If you don't know when to be a human being, you don't know when to be a witch.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

The efficient management of organizations is key to generating wealth, for the development of a country, for the preservation of natural resources and the enhancement of the human being.

You can do the required-work by grace.

Within one hour of touching the brush to canvas for the first time, my students have a total, complete painting.

We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.

To have the illusion of selfhood simply means that when you look in the mirror, you see somebody.

So the first thing we're gonna do," I told him, "is push you off the roof.

Friendship is the only point in human affairs concerning the benefit of which all, with one voice, agree.

The seminary programs will help you as a young man or woman to lay a foundation for happiness and success in life.

I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.

I could not become an American citizen. I would not like to become a citizen of a country that has capital punishment.