If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one thing to do: kick over the table.

When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's amore.

If this is just the beginning, my life's gonna be beautiful.

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

I don't drink anymore... I freeze it and eat it like a popsicle.

It was a woman who drove me to drink. Come to think of it, I never did hang around to thank her for that. 'Hey lady! Do I look all blurry to you? 'Cause you look blurry to me!'

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show business. Hard work, perseverance, and discipline: all the things you need...when you have no talent.

Somewhere there's a someone for me. Though I may be lonely now, I'll see it through somehow, to somebody's heart I know I hold the key.

The world is the same you never change it, as sure as the stars shine above. Well, you're nobody til somebody loves you, so find yourself somebody to love.

I only live the full life when I live fully in the moment.

Genius, when young, is divine.

As for food, half of my friends have dug their graves with their teeth.

It is so much easier to be enthusiastic than to reason!

Our destiny can be examined, but it cannot be justified or totally explained. We are simply here.

I have never understood why the politicians who are most eager to send soldiers into harm's way are always depicted as their most ardent friends.

There is no term comparable to green thumbs to apply to such a mechanic, but there should be. For there are men who can look, listen, tap, make an adjustment, and a machine works.

Once you've given advice to someone, you're obligated.

If you interact with things in your life, everything is constantly changing. And if nothing changes, you're an idiot.