If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.

Race, Religion, Ethnic Pride, Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you have never met

You never hear in the news, "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the north."

If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child.

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.

I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.

Shouldn't the long-term goal of any society be complete unemployment?

One UK paper described me as a "miserablist", a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.

I think a lot of women look at prostitutes like they're scabs crossing an union picket line, where they go: You can't just go out and sell it for what it's worth, we're holding out for so much more!

What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.

We all shuffle our own deck in life ... The deck is our brain, the cards are our thoughts, the results we get will determine if we are giving ourselves a fair deal. Do you have an authentic dealer?

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.

Before GOD,no god,after him,there will be no GOD.

Someone showed me a picture and I just laughed, dignity never been photographed.

A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.

What's going on with the Oakland Raiders? You know, I don't want to say the Raiders are bad, but you know, now, a lot of fans are painting their faces just so they won't be recognized.

When I'm home I'm in much more of a routine like I said, which I like. On the road everything gets flip-flopped.

The good Lord set definite limits on man's wisdom, but set no limits on his stupidity.

I had to go through failures in order to learn how to do it.