If you go out to bat against Australia, they come at you hard.

I'm ugly, I'm overweight, but I'm happy

That means I can drive a flock of sheep through the town centre, drink for free in no less than 64 pubs and get a lift home with the police when I become inebriated. What more could you want?

Captaincy is something you get better at through experience. You've got to trust your instincts.

A lot of the lads have a bat for the nets, a bat for facing the bowling machine and a separate bat for the match. I'll just crack on with a bat until it breaks - then crack on with another one.

I'm not too good with packing. I always have every intention of doing it the week before and then leave it until the last moment - but at least I do it myself, I don't leave it to the missus.

It's far more daunting than bowling to Ricky Ponting or facing Shane Warne

There are times when I have felt the pressure, but at the moment I play cricket the only way I can.

When I have a day off, I will have a day off.

We have to take care of our own game. There's only one place we've got to stick up for ourselves and that's the pitch.

I'm not really someone who looks forward to the gym. But I realise it's something that I have to do to perform well on the pitch.

They are many wounded hearts here. Many! Some admit. Others - the stubborn ones, scribble poetry instead.

Life itself is an unsolved mystery", said the clergyman gravely.

If pimps and thieves everywhere were always punished, honest people would all believe themselves always to be innocent.

My writing circle isn't too full of people who fall into the "Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought Tuesdays With Morrie" category.

The perfection of art is to conceal the sources.

It is said that the effect of eating too much lettuce is 'soporific'.

We build our computer (systems) the way we build our cities: over time, without a plan, on top of ruins

Gardens... should be like lovely, well-shaped girls: all curves, secret corners, unexpected deviations, seductive surprises and then still more curves.

I'm going to be a happy housewife. I'm going to be washing boxers and cooking and doing all those sorts of housewife duties. I just want to be happy and proud of every single day.

Wanna play a joke on your chiropractor? The next time he starts working on you, go limp and soil yourself.