If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Pretend to be poor in reality and you'll notice a decrease in your friends list and request.

The blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church.

Demons, werewolves, zombies--they're all supposed to be for entertainment purposes only.

Christmas is a state of mind.

Technology is huge; I wanted to learn about it. People might say that's odd, but I think it's odd if artists aren't interested in the world around them. I'm always chasing that.

All my life I've been an obese man trapped inside a fat man's body.

Art is not great. Music is not great. It's just that they tickle us. When one steadfastly refuses greatness - then and then only can the wonderful thing we call art be created.

My values, our values, aren't about pointing fingers. They are about offering a helping hand.

I think bootlegging is kinda cool.

It's not what you tell your players that counts. It's what they hear.