If you have a dream, just lie about it. Lie your way unto your dreams.

Joel McHale is so money, he should be printed on money.

In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!

I loved New Jersey. I thought it was the greatest place in the world because on Halloween kids could start trick or treating right after school. Isn't that great?

I used humor as survival, as a weapon and as comfort.

People have always said since TV was invented what a cultural wasteland it is but I think it is the worst and the best. It is the golden age of television.

I think we are as screwed as a culture as we are saved as a culture.

I don't think the NFL had the slightest intention of taking me, except as maybe a water boy.

Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.

I knew I wanted to be an actor. I just kept saying, "Until somebody tells me to stop, until I have to go get a real job, and until I'm practically homeless, I'm not gonna get one."

My goal and my career is definitely not to be famous. That's a really horrible goal, just to be famous for the sake of having fame.

Nixon has enough to overcome in terms of his legacy and his political history. Now he has to overcome the in-fighting between his daughters. It's so sad. There's another obstacle for him to clear.

When the house is on fire, don't tell me what your spiritual gift is. Just grab a hose and put out the fire.

If you don't go for your dreams, who will?

Would that everyone might know that I would be already damned if it were not for Mary!

Ah! how annoying that the law doesn't allow a woman to change husbands just as one does shirts.

Separation isnt time or distance its the bridge between us finer than silk thread sharper than swords

Because nobody but a reader ever became a writer.

You don't hear me lambasting, engaging in personal attacks, getting nasty. I don't think that belongs in politics.

Taxes will always be lower under a Coalition government

I can never tell what I'm gonna wear. I kind of just put on whatever feels right. Sometimes that's Converse and a T-shirt, sometimes it's Givenchy heels and leather pants.