If you have to work at McDonald's, good for you. But on a side note, good luck with the rest of your life.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

he threw up his hands and wrote the Universe dont exist and died to prove it

If people like your music, you can't guarantee they're going to love you.

I am like a table that eats its own legs off because it’s fallen in love with the floor.

Without consciousness and intelligence, the universe would lack meaning.

I'd been conflict-phobic my entire life because I didn't want to lose my inner core of peace.

Warm evenings, pale mornings, bottle of blues

They think I'm going to be a schoolteacher but I'm going to be a poet.

It's not how many books you get through, it's how many books get through you.

All I ever wanted to be was a Ninja... Tong from Kickboxer, Sagat from Street Fighter.

In my case, the body of work stands for itself... I think my work has been representative of me as a man.