If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT ANYONE..COME SIT BY ME.

My specialty is detached malevolence.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

He sprang from the grass roots of the country clubs of America.

I can be President of the United States, or I can control Alice. I cannot possibly do both.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.

I'm the only topless octogenarian in Washington.

The benefit of being friends will vastly outweigh the benefit of being enemies.

They may call your victories, "lucky"...They may mock your failures...They may laugh at your heartache...But still, they will never be happy. This is the cyclical emptiness of the hater mindset.

My kids used to do things to aggravate me, too. I'd take them to a game, and they'd want to come home with a different player.

There is nobody more pro-Israel than I am.

My grandma said - when I was really young and I'd sing along to the radio - why do you sing in an American accent? I guess it was because a lot of the music I was listening to had American vocalists.

Don't mourn, Organise

Most of the bad taste I've been accused of has been generic bad taste; it's been making fun of an idea as opposed to a person.

There's a long, long history of women suffering abuse, injustice, and not having the same opportunities as men, and I think that's been very detrimental to the human race as a whole.

I'm just going to have to grow old, because I'm too terrified to have anything done.

If you're successful, don't crow. If you're defeated, don't croak.