If you let someone talk for an hour, you're gonna have a pretty good idea of who they are, and I think that's more rewarding than me sitting there going, "That's complete bullshit about health care."

It seems people are more willing to let other people control their minds now and recreational drug use doesn't seem to have that same renegade sense of adventure that it once did.

I'm not for everyone. I'm barely for me.

Maybe depression is the most reasonable response to all the crap around us. Maybe it's the happy people who need medication.

That’s the big challenge of life—to chisel disappointment into wisdom so people respect you and you don’t annoy your friends with your whining.

Buying my wife a gun sort of like me saying, ' You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise'.

You can't avoid pain in life. It's how you handle pain, that's what defines you.

In most cases the only difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.

Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'

We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.

Faith in the face of disappointment is only enhanced by laughter in the face of pain.

God always knows what your position should be at every given moment

The photoshoot glitz and TV studio make-up isn't the real me.

The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

I had said to some pastor that I was having thoughts, and the church turned on me. They went to my mom and said, So sorry about your son.

Wisdom is the winner over good luck.

In pre-Trump Washington where the old rules applied, Rudy Giuliani could never survive the Senate confirmation process.

I can guarantee you one thing, we will never agree on anything as we agreed on Elvis.

I always thought realistic was a better way to explain things that were "dramedies" because life is like that. It's funny, it's dramatic and to me that's how I see it.

All those who are unhappy in the world are so as a result of their desire for their own happiness. All those who are happy in the world are so as a result of their desire for the happiness of others.

Tweeting? It's one of the silliest things ever.