If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

Love rules through Law. Love is the Divine Givingness

There is no frontier between being and appearing.

There's moments when I think it's kind of silly and I wish I would've just stayed natural

Imagination gives the man the ability to poject himself through time and space and rise above all limitations.

Abortion is not an issue with the American people. It is a figment of your imagination if you think that this is an issue that is talked about a lot.

If Kona were to get a new logo, it would have to be a original character, not some well know one.

I think that Ronald Reagan had it right, being against abortion except in certain limited, defined circumstances.

You can teach students to develop the ability to think reflectively, and you can help them understand what this means, but if they are not inclined to do so they never will.

If you have a small view of your sin, God's grace will be small to you.

I did theater for a few years while I was in New York, but it was tough having to perform scripts worse than what I knew I could write.