If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

When the going gets tough, people bail. When the going gets easy, people get lazy. Honest, smart, hard work is the way to get results.

Our lives are the Journey we take to find our true selves!

And it will often happen that a man with wealth in the form of coined money will not have enough to eat

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

Suffering brings experience.

I just write what I think is good and keep it at a thousand words.

My day job is acting - I wouldn't direct something if I didn't feel passionate about it.

The validity of usefulness, adequacy of popular standards can be tested only by research that violates them.

My father always told me that. "Nobody knows anything, so don't listen to anyone else."

One with more of soul in his face than words on his tongue.