If you like standup and decide that it's overtaking your life and want to hate it, watch 1,000 standup comedians who are trying to get on a TV show.

Jealousy is the worst trait in any person.

That's another piece of advice: Don't go to college; follow your dreams. Unless you're a doctor - then go to college.

A funny thing is that you can't search me on Twitter because Adam Levine dominates there.

Shakespeare was a smart dude. He was the president of Rome.

People want to be friends with someone who likes to have a good time.

You can shoot a show and have it not air. It's not real until it's airing.

I'm always thinking, 'my career is over, I have to move back to Omaha, and work on the railroad, with the rest of my family. So no, I'm never thinking I've 'arrived.' I think that's a good way to be.

That's another piece of advice: Don't go to college follow your dreams. Unless you're a doctor - then go to college.

I still haven't found the humor in getting hit by a cement truck. My knees still hurt when I think about it, so no jokes about that yet.

My parents are very cool and wildly supportive - maybe almost too much. I want to tell them to chill out.

To strengthen your power of love, Love those who do not deserve your love.

There's a lot of things that are said on the American Idol message board. I quit reading them because most of the people are very mean.

Emotional luggage nothing of it, I don't check bags, I just carry on, leave that bullshit in the past

Any chief executive who hires a consultant to give them strategy should be fired.

I know I said sometimes I wear clothes but apparently I lied...I'm only packing swimsuits.

In becoming archaeologists of the world of our mothers, we are trying to retrieve the female past and to invent a future.

Fools learn from experience. I prefer to learn from the experience of others.

We know Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin as politicians, but they felt that science was something everyone should have a knowledge of.

Any film I do is not going to change the way black women have been portrayed, or black people have been portrayed, in cinema since the days of D.W. Griffith.

The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall; Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds, And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.