If you look at America now as a giant ship, before we can turn it around and go the other way, we've got to stop. This has been our problem all along. We haven't really advanced anything we believe.

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

God is more concerned about the attitude of our hearts than the way we express it. Worship isn’t supposed to be entertainment.

You hurt me. It’s OK. I just want you to be happy.

I've learned from personal experience that insecurity and doubting yourself can really hurt you.

President Obama was the first president not to abide by the limits in the general election.

I don't think Trump reads. If he does, my guess is he's reading autobiographies of ... I wonder if he's read Mein Kampf.

Stand-up was like being on a Barbie townhouse stage.

It's a bit like walking down a long, dark corridor never knowing when the light will go on.

Pseudoscience is like a virus. At low levels, it's no big deal, but when it reaches a certain threshold it becomes sickening.

I like shirts and sweaters that fall off the shoulder or plaid button-ups.