If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.

I am Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds.

The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for.

You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.

Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as 'deserving' respect; you get what you demand from people.

The great stories go to those who aren't afraid to live them

You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That's what it's like listening to you speak.

I will never understand why people get so upset at things I don't even remember saying.

I laugh at people who say things like 'I'm a good person, I just do bad things.' No, that's not how it works. What you do IS who you are.

The hardest lesson I've had to learn in my life is that my intelligence is inversely correlated to my humility. The more I thought I knew, the less I actually knew.

The narcissist act is not an act. I actually am a narcissist, very much so. My world revolves around me.

The universe is God's son.

The brands with which we surround ourselves prop us up, make us feel sexy and beautiful, when in reality we're pretty dumpy creatures.

Quite naturally, scholars assumed that Latin grammar was not merely Latin grammar, but that it was grammar itself. They borrowed it and made the most of it.

The height of all philosophy is to know thyself; and the end of this knowledge is to know God.

What the world calls virtue is a name and a dream without Christ. The foundation of all human excellence must be laid deep in the blood of the Redeemer's cross, and in the power of His resurrection.

I grew up with the thought that I wanted to treat people the way I'd like to be treated, and I think if you do that, it's pretty hard to go wrong.

I sometimes got distracted easily and allowed my mind to wander when I needed to be focused. It's quite subtle, really, and just being aware of it helps.

The way I was brought up by my parents and guided through my football life by the influences of various managers means that in some ways I am black and white.

There will never be a time when the old horse is not superior to any auto ever made.

You have to treat Hollywood like it's your boyfriend - he's there all the time.