If you play it safe in life, you've decided that you don't want to grow anymore.

He’d spent so much time in the penalty box for fighting last season, he’d been tempted to hang a picture and maybe set up a lava lamp, it had felt so much like home

God is the only one that won't disappoint you. Everyone else is percentages of your peace.

... In our family, if you said the words 'I feel, ' they better be followed with 'hungry' or 'cold'. Because we didn't get personal, that's just how it was.

We always fail to recognize when we are at fault, but we are always eager to blame others.

My best friend in medical school was a magician. And we were shown an X-ray of a sword-swallower, and I tried it and failed. Then I got a sword-swallower as a patient, and he taught me.

Communism is like one big phone company.

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

I just don't like being on a lot of different things or being everywhere because I get kind of embarrassed.

I had my coat hangers spayed.

It's also ironic that in the old days of tape and tape hiss and vinyl records and surface noise, we were always trying to get records louder and louder to overcome that.