If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. "Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill."

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Ariel Sharon is a man of peace.

If people want to legalize a particular relationship, we need to be careful if that kind of relationship has been disapproved for millennia.

I love the idea of a movie hero in a thriller who is able to get ahead by just his brilliance, and not with a gun or by being an action hero.

Abortion is a worse moral scandal than priests sexually abusing young people.

The virtue which has never been attacked by temptation is deserving of no monument.

I saw people who were hostile; they had felt so much hurt that hostility was their only defense against being crushed again.

A lot of people who are depressed, I think, are suffering from blocked creativity.

The jean! The jean is the destructor. It is a dictator! It is destroying creativity! The jean must be stopped!

Ryan finally came to my rescue. He'd thought working together in Paper Moon would help us bond.

Abraham Lincoln, in order to maintain the unity of the United Statesresorted to the use of force.so, I think Abraham Lincoln, president, is a model, is an example.