If you're a stand-up, you're more or less yourself.

For the most part, people don't know who I am.

I’m sort of known in the comedy community as “Smooth Sailing,” just ’cause everything always goes great. I’ve always had success at every turn.

What one person might see as violent, someone else may see as beautiful. Maybe even art.

Changing the world, one exclamation point at a time.

I suppose we all have a lil' inner or outer a-hole inside of us, just waiting for the right opportunity to rear their own beautiful buttholes.

I didn't necessarily set out to think of a show to make fun of reality shows.

For me, it feels like my ideas are more specific to random thoughts or single ideas I might have, as opposed to being influenced by a general perception of absurdity.

There were plenty of times some writers would make some kind of stupid joke to each other and then it was on TV that night or that week.

Ground the main character in stupidity. Hire a good cast and a good crew.

It's always been about when I do theater, the audience is just a viewer, not taking part in what's onstage. Whereas if you're doing stand-up, it's inclusive.

Boy, did she love those idiots.

Democracy is not just the right to vote, it is the right to live in dignity.

The pressure of public opinion is like the pressure of the atmosphere you can't see it - but all the same it is sixteen pounds to the square inch.

The first derivative is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

Here was the freedom I desired, long sought-for, not yet known Freedom to write, to walk, to wander, freedom to climb hills, to pull a boat, to be alone.

And yet, people still turn to Jesus. You will notice though that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to be the sort of people who haven't done that well with everybody else.

In seeking success you must also seek fulfillment. Ask yourself not only what you want to be but who you want to be.

Don't worry about things, that you can do better next time. Don't worry about stuff you can't control.

In fall, God is remembered; in rise, forgotten.

My characters, I find them as I'm writing. It's quite incredible how fully realized they are in my mind, how many details I know about each of them.