If you're away from your house for a month, by the time you come back there's someone else living in it.

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.

Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?

Let's go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you're thinking.

Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.

If God gave Abraham a ram to prevent his slaying Isaac, He might stick a donkey in the bush for me to ride up this infernal mountainside.”~ Grace Madison, PhD.

Do something! Start something! As you make consistent efforts, you will begin to see your goals come into focus. You will discover your mission--the one only you can fulfill.

The key to success is to be true to who you really are.

Many of us don’t realize that we have a choice about which aspect of ourselves we will use as the foundation upon which we build our lives.

Lap-dogs and blood-hounds enjoy the greatest respect at court; house-dogs and no dogs at all are not even considered.

I think people who are religious are more likely to want one around, but it's a very secular position.

Certain types of loudmouthism should be a capital offense among decent people.

You've got to do things that promote what's important.

One series of notes, high and delicate, sang of a sweet moonlight kiss gone sour; another line of music rippled with regret over opportunities forever lost.

What goes up, must come down... Mustn't it?