If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better

When knowledge is put into practice, then through your experience of it, it becomes your insight.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

The funniest thing about some people is that they have no sense of humor.

I'm not one of those actors who sits around the table and intellectualizing anything, or discusses much of anything. Everything for me is intuitive and instinctive.

There is a price tag on human liberty. That price is the willingness to assume the responsibilities of being free men. Payment of this price is a personal matter with each of us.

I am a real person that cares about his art and cares about what he's doing - I have a heart and a soul and want to touch people and give.

Reasoning is the pastime of my whole household, and all this reasoning has driven out Reason.

You can do anything with children if you only play with them.

Self-expression without craft is for toddlers.

In most states, it's more difficult to get a license for your dog than it is to buy a big cat. Right now, there are more tigers in the state of Texas than in all of India.