If you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Chance favours the bold.

Demelza was beginning to feel like a lion tamer who has been putting his pets through their paces and finds them getting out of hand.

You were born to be real, not to be perfect. You are here to be you, not to live someone else's life.

Don't do that again! Not ever again!" I told him."I should say the same to you, " he said. I could feel his breath, warm on my neck. "Promise me!" I demanded."I... I promise.""I can't lose you.

Umica ka hanuHOLD THE BREATHBe patient

Leap and the net will appear.

Praise a hill, but keepe below.

God will not be outdone in generosity.

The chemistry among the four of us is very strong.

All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.