If you're famous, you have to [be overly generous], otherwise people say, "Eric Idle came in and only left me $4." I always tip more than people expect.

I believe in the separation of church and planet.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.

A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer.

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

Life is a comedy when watching and a tragedy when experiencing. I try and share anything I have.

Life took over 4 billion years to evolve into you, and you've about 70 more years to enjoy it. Don't just pursue happiness, catch it.

Never do things for money. It's always the things you do for love that turn out to pay the best.

Life has a very simple plot: first you're here and then you're not.

I've got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time.

A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.

Tell the truth, but make the truth fascinating.

I believe myself capable of great things. Some days it feels as if I can't do it alone. It is nice to know I don't have to.

You don't dwell on what you've lost, you just move on.

I focus on a lot of women's issues.

In the matter of a difficult question it is more likely that the truth should have been discovered by the few than by the many.

The waiter brought fresh-baked bread and cheese, a bottle of sparkling water for Annabeth, and a Coke with ice for me (because I’m a barbarian).

I'm too intellectual. I don't think that the theological vocabulary is as important as the experience.

The freer the market is and the more respect you have for private property, the better the environment is protected.

God without us will not as we without God cannot.