If you're going to hit a car, try to be sure that it's not a cop car

My doctor said I had OCD. I couldn't believe it. I had to call him nine times to make sure.

Comedy is the most palliative way to make a point. People are more willing to listen if they can laugh.

The first time I did stand-up was on a dare.

What if obese people couldn't get married?

Joan Rivers broke down barriers, advocated for free speech, and never apologized for who she was.

Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative.

We never talked to each other in my family. We communicated by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator.

I have a nice little house in LA. Well, the bedroom is nice. I have French doors in the bedroom. They don't open unless I lick them.

For me, humor is everything!

Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.'

Everyone would like the world always to be in bubble times. But that doesn't happen.

We can all learn from our failures. What I've learned is how much it hurts to fail.

I'm really interested in trying to learn how to play the guitar since I've got two of them! I can kind of mess around on the piano, but I'm going to start learning how to play the guitar.

There's always a reason for everything.

I can love only what I can place so high above me that I cannot reach it.

One of my favorite things is watching my children learn something new. The combination of innocence and excitement makes a parent feel truly alive, even if only for a second and peripherally.

I think we've come a long way since then. The big thing that changed was when ecstasy came along in Britain.

You do not know what you can achieve until you try.

The good news of the kingdom is not freedom from hardship, suffering, and loss. It is the news of a Redeemer who has come to rescue me from myself.