If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has faith in them.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Back in my day, which was about a week and a half ago, we took our lumps and we got back up and we cried like babies and quit and then put on weight.

Love is the most likable, invisible fashion of life that you can wear with passion.

Every age, after all, must have its own aisling and dream of a better, kinder, happier, shared world.

Well, if you count my phone as an access point (which I do), I'm pretty much constantly online unless I'm at an event or practice or something.

Dream no small dream; it lacks magic. Dream large. Then make the dream real.

The novel does not simply recount experience, it adds to experience.

Whenever something good happens to me, it's usually followed by something terrible.

Trust no one, not even the finest saint who ever walked this earth, ignore him, if he hinders your sight of Jesus Christ.

Unselfishness is more paying, only people have not the patience to practice it.

Silence is death. If you speak, you die. If you are silent, you die. So speak, and die.