If you're gonna burn a bridge behind you, make sure you've crossed it first.

I wish all those who've found God, would tell the rest of us where he's been hiding.

Lately the muse has been treating me like Ike treated Tina.

A little stupid is like a little forest fire. If you happen upon some stupid, please stomp it out before it spreads.

Just a thought for all you God-fearin', gun-lovin', Bible-thumpin' 2nd Amendment patriots. If it turns out Heaven's a gun-free zone, what's plan B???

God might not be dead, but he's sure as hell missing in action.

99% of all problems can be solved by money -- and for the other 1% there's alcohol.

A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I'd trade my half of the fame, for his half of the money.

God doesn't send atheists to Hell -- there's no room with all the Christians down there.

If Heaven actually exists, I don't need anyone to be my real estate broker. After all, what is religion but an attempt to sell you a share in the ultimate gated community?

If a person has no conscience, it's called being a sociopath. If a corporation has no conscience, it's called capitalism.

This is what you get, Maura, for using your DNA to make a baby, ” Calla said.

Silence is where my demons lurk, taunting me endlessly day after day until the end of time...yet still I wait, revelling in their company...

Private Benjamin lives next door but one to Bob Cryer from The Bill. I once saw him crouching down behind a sycamore tree and using his nose as an Allen Key to release a starving rat.

Considering the fortune you might have lost you'll have to admit you're rich already.

If we're going to conquer our opponents, we must first conquer our own fears.

There’s only truth and not truth. You’re either very good or evil.

No one who really wants to count for God can afford to play at Christianity.

Winter is the season of alcoholism and despair.

You have to accept the rule of law, even when it's inconvenient, if you're going to be a country that bides by the rule of law.

There's the psychotic ambitious side of myself that wants a fashion line and my own network and be like a combination of Oprah and Gwen Stefani. And have a perfume. Definitely a perfume.