If you're looking for Mr. Perfect, you‟re going to spend your whole life being disappointed, because he doesn‟t exist. You have to get the best deal you can, but there will always be problems.

I have a real low tolerance for parasites, and you're so close to the limit that I'm already reaching for the flea powder.

A village somewhere was missing it's idiot.

Sign by elevator put up by computer geeks in office building: REMEMBER: FIRST YOU PILAGE, THEN YOU BURN. THOSE WHO DO NOT COMPLY WILL BE SUSPENDED FROM THE RAIDING TEAM. In Mr Perfect

Women were always complications, bless their perverse little hearts.

Pleasure was a siren, luring her to experience more

I'm not holding you against your will; I'm holding you against your car.

If death turned out to be a lack of being rather than a lack of consciousness, well, then, that sucked.

Don’t kiss me,” she said warningly. “I don’t intend to,” he replied, smiling a little. “I don’t have my whip and chair with me.

He needed a woman. Bad.

The world was divided into two groups: those who showered at night, and those who showered in the morning.

No good ever comes of pride, for it is the meanest of mean things, and no one but he who is full of it thinks it grand.

The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it.

Works of imagination should be written in very plain language the more purely imaginative they are the more necessary it is to be plain.

You have the most important job of anyone today. Our kids need you to advocate for their futures.

Rap is just to me very annoying.

The only thing that bothers me is that the girls come up to me and say, "I'm dating your ex-husband." I'm happy that he's dating girls and getting out.

Beauty is a very handy thing to have, especially for a woman who ain't handsome.

God looks at the heart, and we shouldn't judge by appearance . . . but we still live on the earth, and everyone here looks at the exterior, because only God sees the interior.

If someone said, "Would you like to do the period drama?," I'd say, "Hell, yeah! I'd love to do that!" To dig into history and do a story in some period would be great.

Fiction basically is a form of gossip where you want to enter other people's lives, the lives of people you don't know, and you want to know what's going to happen to them.