If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

In the voyage of your worldly existence, the sails at which your life float upon, are tethered by the thoughts and emotions that which you harbor. Expand.

Any second can be the beginning of anything

When in Rome, do as Rome does.

I used to cut out paper dolls.

I am out of practice at living. You are as brave as a motorcycle.

Social reform is the desperate decision to remove corns from a person suffering from cancer.

Once in a while I get inspired and finish my act with the hillbilly hoedown.

You can anchor the mind into answering a question a certain way by giving them a totally unrelated piece of information dropped before.

We learn as much from sorrow as from joy, as much from illness as from health, from handicap as from advantage and indeed perhaps more.

There are words which are worth as much as the best actions, for they contain the germ of them all.