If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun.

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.

No Taxes. Let's just tip the government 15% if they do a good job.

I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.

Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'

We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman.

Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.

The better you were able to imagine what you wanted to imagine, the farther you could flee from reality.

Do I look evil? I can't do evil. I can barely pull off dangerous.

To injure an opponent is to injure yourself. To control aggression without inflicting injury is the Art of Peace.

Liberty has as many chains as an iron-monger's shop, and as rusty.

When the deeds that you do don't add up to zero.

I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.

When things are perfect, that's when you need to worry most.

There are, I dare say, many lovers who would never have been drawn to each other had they met for the first time, as, say, they met the second time.

I was lucky enough that my parents knew about World Cup skiing, so since I was really little, we were watching World Cup winning runs.

I really like accompanying. I like working with vocalists, I've worked with a lot of poets.