If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

The land, that thou see now to have root, shall thou see wasted suddenly.

When what you hear and what you see don't match, trust your eyes.

What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, more unashamed conversation about illnesses that affect not only individuals, but their families as well.

40Wednesday has been canceled due to a scheduling error.

The primary source of the appeal of Christianity was Jesus - His incarnation, His life, His crucifixion, and His resurrection.

Without an adequate answer to the question, "Why?" the price is always to high.

One pretends to do something, or copy someone or some teacher, until it can be done confidently and easily in what becomes one's own style

All the collaborations that I've done that I'm really proud of with a lot of incredible Canadian artists and beyond, that's when art comes together and becomes something really special.

The beginning of genius is being scared shitless.

Call on literary convention, and it will gladly tell your story for you.