If you really want to get rid of the problems in the NFL, put Obama in charge of it: in a few months it will be so deep in debt it will have to go out of business - no more concussions.

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

The bent but unbroken ones.

I am the sun who will bring delight when you are in-front of me. I am the moon who will show shyness when you are away from me.

My greatest fear is disappointing the reader, so each book has to be better than the one before.

I like the pressure of having to perform so people will come to me.

Of little worth as life is when we misuse it, it is worth that effort. It would cost nothing to lay down if it were not.

Well, I haven't seen the records. I haven't seen Hilary Rosen; I personally know three Hilary Rosen's, so I don't know that this Hilary Rosen is the one we're talking about.

I had hoped you would protest, but please don't argue.

I feel I'm pretty zen and laid back. I don't have a lot of rage in my real life.

When we grasp that we are unworthy sinners saved by an infinitely costly grace, it destroys both our self-righteousn ess and our need to ridicule others.

One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them by chance, in a lucky hour, at the world's end somewhere, and hold fast to the days.