If you record the sound of bacon in a frying pan and play it back, it sounds like the pops and cracks on an old 33 1/3 recording. Almost exactly like that. You could substitute it for that sound.

A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.

Don't plant your bad days. They grow into weeks. The weeks grow into months. Before you know it, you got yourself a bad year. Take it from me - choke those little bad days. Choke 'em down to nothing.

We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. We are monkeys with money and guns.

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

when your down on your luck and you've lost all your dreams theres nothing like a campfire and a can of beans

I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things.

The folks who know the truth aren't talking.... The ones who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up!

You have to keep busy. After all, no dog's ever pissed on a moving car.

When I was younger, I wanted to be older. Now I am older, I am not quite so sure.

Most people don't care if you're telling them the truth or if you're telling them a lie, as long as they're entertained by it.

The rain begins with a single drop

Without a purpose, schools are houses of detention, not attention

I believe in striving for excellence. I sweat the big and small stuff! I do not apologize for this.

I don't like to look at myself in the mirror, which is why my eye makeup is always crooked.

The corals do not look much worn, but still appear to have been dead. There are some delicate shells of molluscs from depths beyond 500 fathoms, where they were certainly living.

I think that in any group activity - whether it be business, sports, or family - there has to be leadership or it wont be successful.

Leaders of the world's religions said, 'What do you think about what I teach?' Jesus said, 'Who do you say I am?'(Luke 9:20)

The highway of life was littered with the roadkill of those who didn't know when to change lanes.

What God may have enabled me to do is but a repayment of debt, and he who repays a debt deserves no praise.

I'm maybe not quite as sharp as I used to be.