If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

The Mother Thing makes our world.

If they had met on different grounds, he may have been able to help her. Now all he could do was hope they reached the end with as little blood shed as possible.

5 mins after your birth, they decide your name, nationality, religion & sect & you spend rest of your life defending something you didn't choose.

If you take a man by surprise, and behave with sufficient arrogance, he will generally do what you ask. -Emerson

Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not mean you are alone.

Power is neither good nor evil.

Good, old-fashioned ways keep hearts sweet, heads sane, hands busy.

Cliare: "You know what? I need you right now." Shane:"Now?" Claire: "Right now." Shane: "Oh, that's so exactly what I was going to say." *dropping C. to the bed.* Claire: "Jinxies

I dislike the frequent use of the word virtue, instead of righteousness, in the pulpit; in prayer or preaching before a Christian community, it sounds too much like pagan philosophy.

Our average holding period is four years.