If you resolve to give up smoking drinking and loving you don't actually live longer it just seems longer.

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

I've known Nicholas Parsons for a fairly long time and his geniune pleasures are in rubber tubes, metal clips

There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when you're expected to manifest querulousness - the coffee's too hot, the boiled egg's too soft.

I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men.

I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time.

Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

Abundance in life comes from generosity.

How delightful to find a friend in everyone.

I've met Nelson Mandela a couple of times and it was an unbelievable experience on both occasions; the most amazing moment of my life.

I am a Christian. That obliges me to be a Communist.

I don't rhyme for the sake of riddlin'. If I say it, I gotta be able to back it up.

There are some things that can't be measured.

I'm ... incredibly open with my mates. Or even people I just meet.

There's nothing wrong with doing comedies, and I'm not against comedies, either, but I always want to do stuff that keeps me off my guard and gets me out of my comfort zone.

The most compelling evidence for God's existence is Christ. If God does not exist, then Christ was the biggest fool who ever lived.

Radioimmunoassay (RIA) is simple in principle.