If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

I've known Nicholas Parsons for a fairly long time and his geniune pleasures are in rubber tubes, metal clips

There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when you're expected to manifest querulousness - the coffee's too hot, the boiled egg's too soft.

I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men.

I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time.

Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

It is essential that we understand people for who they are as individuals and not the public perception of them or their family and past.

The harder you work when nobody’s watching the less you bleed when it’s time to perform.

Novelties please less than they impress.

Life is too tragic for sadness: Let us rejoice.

The art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

if you make waffles, throw out the first one.

It’s always interesting to me to tell stories that come from difficult political climates.

I never feel more confident and comfortable than when I'm wearing a Tom Ford suit.

I am very confident. I look confident. I act confident. I speak in a confident way.

Walking is very good for writers. There's something fundamentally useful about not talking to anybody, not looking at a screen, and being in nature - even if that nature is an urban environment.

Frequently the burden or concern in the spirit is for prayer.