If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there is no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don't tell me you haven't done it.

On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't, he said: Do you mind if I mug you here?

When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to go and work at the civil service, I really think I've won.

My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.

I was trying to organise my DVDs into a sort of chronological order, and I am afraid that it all trailed off after the Sixties.

I don't consider myself a fashion victim. I consider fashion a victim of me.

I'll never forget my first experience of swede. It was at school and I thought I was getting mashed potato. I've never got over it.

I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10; why is this funny, and that isn't?

All disc jockeys are without talent. Noel Edmonds - I can't stand Noel Edmonds.

I don't always vote in general elections, but I think I've always voted Labour.

If you became a comedian in the '80s, you had to work the circuit and make people laugh. Canned laughter is cheating.

If you don’t know exactly where you are going (and why), that is exactly where you will end up.

True openness is the accompaniment of the desire to know, hence of the awareness of ignorance. To deny the possibility of knowing good and bad is to suppress true openness.

In software systems it is often the early bird that makes the worm.

Pfft, who wants to make a movie about a guy in a house?

By the way, is there anything sadder than toys on a grave?

I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

I think I can be relatively attractive when I dress up, but I'm not Julia Roberts or Catherine Zeta Jones.

For Harry Potter I have all the time in the world.

In a cult intervention information is presented about the group that the member is most often not aware of.

I am not a creature of habit.