If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm?

The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.

There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.

All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints.

Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.

A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.

Education isn't for getting a job. It's about developing yourself as a human being.

I'm always inspired by people who raise the bar, whether in their field of work, parenthood, or giving back.

When there are duties to perform [true] servants and sons serve their labors.

Life and death are of supreme importance. Time swiftly passes by and opportunity is lost. Each of us should strive to awaken. Awaken. Take heed, do not squander your life.

I like flowers, I also like children, but I do not chop their heads off and keep them in bowls of water around the house.

Why is it that when we talk to God, it's called 'prayer,' but when God speaks to us, it's called schizophrenia?

No one is going to question my commitment to the defence of our nation. I don't know what it is these Republicans, who didn't serve in any war, have against those of us who are Democrats who did.

That's why I survived because I still believe I've got something to say.

The minute you start caring about what other people think, is the minute you stop being yourself.

The best way to reveal a character is to get them to open their mouths.