If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!

You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'

I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.

It is not enough to win a war; it is more important to organize the peace.

When you open your heart to someone, you're also exposing it to pain.

Dreams were the first movies.

My dad believes in God, I think. I'm not sure if my mom does. I don't.

There are beautiful sounds in rock. Very lazy, dreamlike noises. You can forget about the lyrics in most songs. Just dig the noise, and you've got your sound...We're musical primitives.

If we followed our own advice, we'd be successful.

Have an objective to give your bender a theme. For instance, stalking and killing a wild pig with a bowie knife.

until I have been able to bury my head so deep in dear London that I can forget that I have ever been away I am inconsolable.

There is no such thing as a hopeless situation. Every single circumstances of your life can change!