If you tell a kid not to run to a water slide, he/she will walk for 2 steps, then start running again.

You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because' cards. They can't even ask you why you did it.

Go my favorite sports team go! Score a goal. Unit. Basket. Go squadron! Defeat the opponents soundly in this...skirmish.

I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.

If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about it later down the road.

The big yellow one is the sun!

I was at the breakfast table this morning and I read in the newspaper that more and more adults are living at home with their parents. That surprised me, I was like Mom did you read this?

Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of the head at 90 miles per hour.

I hate getting off the elevator on the wrong floor? Anyone ever do that... and then you have to turn around and face those people. I feel like I owe everyone in there an explanation.

If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ?

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.

The most common lie you will ever tell God is your opportunity to do the right thing was taken from you.

We are pagans. We deify each other.

Grover murmured, "Well, Percy, what have we learned today?"That three-headed dogs prefer red rubber balls over sticks?"No, " Grover told me. "We've learned that your plans really, really bite!

Once upon a time, sound was new technology.

I guess one of the ways that karma works is that it finds out what you are most afraid of and then makes that happen eventually.

I heart abortion. Where's the shirt for that, urban outfitters?! And it won't be a normal heart. It'll be a dead infant heart. Y'know what the back will say? Problem Solved.

Adaptation is a profound process. Means you figure out how to thrive in the world.

I don't know if I always want to be in front of the camera. I love producing, I love the camaraderie. I love the adventures. I love the stress.

A person who undertakes to grow a garden at home, by practices that will preserve rather than exploit the economy of the soil, has his mind precisely against what is wrong with us.