If you text 'I love you' and the person writes back an emoji - no matter what that emoji is, they don't love you back.

Do you guys think its worse to wear a fedora or kill 15 people?

I would say that I have a love-hate relationship with almost everything in my life, including stand-up.

Sometimes when Im nervous, thats when the most interesting things happen.

Why are old maps always burnt?

I feel like women are frequently seen as guests in the comedy world.

My parents divorced when I was one year old so I don't really remember any of the details, but luckily my mom does so she's been really helpful.

I only do private room karaoke where its just me and one of my closest girlfriends. My mom always said I could really belt songs out, and the Dixie Chicks feed that encouragement.

Im Jewish and Italian, and I lucked out and got the nose of both cultures.

On tour, its either call ex-boyfriends or tweet a lot. Youre just looking for any proof that youre not completely alone.

Feelings are invulnerable to rational thought.

You can’t make a weak man strong by making a strong man weak

Yup, gardening and laughing are two of the best things in life you can do to promote good health and a sense of well being.

I was reading everything under the sun from music history to feminist literature to Shakespeare, which is why I'm not a complete idiot at this time.

I'd like President Bush to think maybe there's another way to think, that maybe Kissinger was wrong when he says we had to go in there because he was wrong about Vietnam.

I can’t imagine what it would be like to have had her company in my head—the comfort that would’ve brought.

I was no longer, if I had ever been, afraid to die: I was now afraid not to die.

Life is a cycle, and mime is particularly suitable for showing fluidity, transformation, metamorphosis. Words can keep people apart; mime can be a bridge between them.

Donald Trump said - as a show of good faith - he was gonna work with people to try to replace Obamacare, to repeal and replace it rather than just to let it implode, let it fail.

I'm a Christian, but I don't believe in religion or anything like that.