If you think health care is expensive now, just wait 'til it's free.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Love other human beings as you would love yourself.

Ideals are peaceful. History is violent.

Any press is good press. So keep on ragging me.

It is easy to get into war, not so easy to get out.

It is always difficult, even with the best will in the world, to look back a long way and see anything resembling the truth.

If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it.

Management: First fix the blame. Then fix the problem.

Do not tell people how to live their lives. Just tell them stories and they will figure out how those stories apply to them.

Don't write about what you know - write about what you're interested in. Don't write about yourself - you aren't as interesting as you think.

I didn't audition for the part! The role was offered to me, and I was so excited to be a part of 'The Haunting Hour.' It is such a cool show and it was so much fun shooting the 'Intruders.'