If you think you know it all, you are missing something.

Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

A philosopher is a man who can look at an empty glass with a smile.

A teetotaller is one who suffers from thirst instead of enjoying it.

The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax.

Sometimes doing nothing is doing something.

Of two evils, choose the more interesting.

Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes.

Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open.

We have a great regard for old age when it is bottled.

Respectability is the state of never being caught doing anything which gives you pleasure.

Can there be anything more sad than a girl dying on the day of her first communion, in her new dress. A little bride of death...

The wrong man is not always wrong because of his wrong actions, often he is wrong because of no actions.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds

You have to celebrate the gifts because life is so hard and I think once you realize life's gonna be hard, the good stuff really comes forward.

Talking doom and gloom all day no longer fit who I was as a person.

My best advice for someone considering adopting a pet is to take the time to really consider your lifestyle, home environment and personal preferences.

Israel controls the United States Senate.

Our goal should be to understand our differences.

If you're planning on dropping out of high school, prepare yourself for the future by repeating aloud each day: 'I'm looking forward to low-paying jobs for the rest of my life.'

People change all the time whether you like it or not.