If you try to hit a grand slam, you’re going to strike out.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

We all R failures that's why V need #CHILDREN to fulfill D needs of #Society, #Nation, #Worlds, so that we can live the same old selfish way

We always hate people who surprise our secrets…

I once heard the survivors of a colony of ants that had been partially obliterated by a cow's foot seriously debating the intention of the gods towards their civilization.

The Hallows, the Hallows. A desperate man’s dream!

Then they're like addicts; they can't help themselves... They will steal, cheat, embezzle and commit other crimes just to get money to gamble

Most people know who believes in them.

Writing is the most solitary of arts.

I totally love to act. I don't care if it's a musical, a comedy. I just like to work and interact with other people.

You transform all who are touched by you. Mundane concerns, troubles, and sorrows dissolve in your presence, bringing JOY.