If you want one thing too much it’s likely to be a disappointment. The healthy way is to learn to like the everyday things, like soft beds and buttermilk—and feisty gentlemen.

True maturity is only reached when a man realizes he has become a father figure to his girlfriends' boyfriend - and he accepts it

Self-parody is the first portent of age.

Only a rank degenerate would drive 1,500 miles across Texas without eating a chicken fried steak.

Backward is just not a natural direction for Americans to look - historical ignorance remains a national characteristic.

If you wait, all that happens is that you get older.

Uva uvum vivendo varia fit

People would be bored shitless if they had to love only the good in someone they care about.

A woman's love is like the morning dew. It's just as likely to settle on a horse turd as a rose.

Incompetents invariably make trouble for people other than themselves.

Yesterday's gone on down the river and you can't get it back.

Everything is possible, but where can I find everything?!

Consider the source...Don't be a fool by listening to a fool.

I love England and the historical aspect of it.

We exist in a bizarre combination of Stone Age emotions, medieval beliefs, and god-like technology.

Oh, I love red. I'm very loyal to my colors. I love violet.

Life is not having, it's wanting. Life is not taking, it's giving. Life is not dying, it's living.

You cannot earn money from any artistic career. You have to spend all the time if you want to develop, and keep presenting shows that are always better, always new.

A non-frightening zombie is a lame zombie.

People who identify themselves as conservatives donate money to charity more often than people who identify themselves as liberals. They donate more money and a higher percentage of their incomes.

I'm not a drug user myself. I'm too little to take drugs - my body can't take it.