If you want to get a pet for your child, I suggest a chicken so that when they get bored of it after a couple of days at least you can have a nice roast dinner.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

I am unconcerned with what yesterday has left behind, but rather what tomorrow will bring.

Be more dedicated to making solid achievements than in running after swift but synthetic happiness.

I am a fan of rehearsal. I like doing it [scene] over and over and over and over until it looks like you never did it before.

Empathy took the edge off, and the truth is, we need our edge. Our edge is trying to speak to us, and we are too, too good at shutting it up.

When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately - unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something.

If you study the history and records of the world you must admit that the source of justice was the fear of injustice.

Diplomacy is not an end in itself if it does not advance U.S. interests.

I know I'm not the greatest singer or dancer, but that doesn't interest me, I'm interested in being provocative and pushing people's buttons.

Jesse ain't running nothin' but his mouth.

It seems to me that it's the best way of wasting money that I know of. I don't think investments on the moon pay a very high dividend.