If you want to get an audience quiet, just say "abortion" and everybody shuts up and the tension in the room is spectacular.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

I sense a learning: that much dumber people than you end up in charge.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift... that's why they call it present

You're right that not everything we do has to have some kind of social agenda, but that doesn't mean it can only be anesthetizing crap.

It is only people who show upright positions in standing for the truth that win at last.

When you claim to have the truth, as opposed to the truth as you perceive it, then you move us toward a theocratic view of government.

Perfect discipline requires recognition of infallibility. Infallibility requires the observance of discipline.

The moment you proclaim your Oneness with God, others will proclaim you partnership with Satan.

Although most products will soon be too costly to purchase, there will be a thriving market in the sale of books on how to fix them.

Make converts to your own thoughts and opinions.

It [AI] would take off on its own and redesign itself at an ever increasing rate. Humans, who are limited by slow biological evolution, couldn't compete and would be superseded.