If you want to hurt me, fine. Take my books. Burn down my house. Shave my head while I am sleeping. But nobody, nobody screws with my dog.

I think the very word stalking implies that you're not supposed to like it. Otherwise, it would be called 'fluffy harmless observation time'.

I am a disaster magnet. I came home from our first anniversary vacation with jellyfish stings, a puncture wound from a wrought iron pineapple and a cork-shaped bruise in my cleavage.

There's an inverse relationship between my temper and my ability to control my accent. If you hear me say 'Fiddledeedee', run for the hills, because I'm getting ready to take out bystanders.

Vampires have bright eyes glistening white teeth unnaturally smooth skin and a certain animal magnetism. If they aren't pretty they starve. It's sort of like life in Los Angeles.

The brain may die, but my compulsion for useless trivia lives on.

You can take the girl out of the library, but you can’t take the neurotic, compulsively curious librarian out of the girl.

To say I had some pent-up anger would be like saying Britney Spears had minor impulse-control issues.

You can't worry about the future so much that you miss out on the present.

Does Hallmark make a “Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner” card? I settled for “How much do you remember?

Did I just get psychically pimp-slapped by a little old lady?

The best way to achieve great success is to learn from wise people. Use them extensively with love, gratitude, and humility.

I don't do this for the money, I don't do it for record sales, I don't really care about that, I just want to make beats.

We have to remember that our defense is not just a commitment of money, it is a commitment of will.

I write because I must. It's not a choice or a pastime, it's an unyielding calling and my passion.

What if reincarnation really happens, and Jesus were reincarnated, & you were a total d*ck to him? It could happen. You should probably treat everyone like they were Jesus reincarnated.

Happiness is not in the having or being- it is in the doing.

Between history and the novel stands biography, their unwanted offspring, which has brought a great embarrassment to them both.

A man who marries without knowing Bunbury has a very tedious time of it.

Bella, would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?

I tell you what's really ridiculous--going into a bookstore and there's all these books about yourself. In a way, it feels like you're already dead.