If you want to know how little your dignity is worth, take it to the pawnbroker.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

I think you can only be truly mad at someone you really love.

There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that. . . . But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope.

There is only one Human race but many nations with diverse tribes.

A long time ago I learned that an atheist and a believer trying to have a discussion about God and religion is like shooting the breeze and having it shoot back.

I do not care for the money, just for the glory.

In 1854 I took out a patent for puddling iron by means of steam.

A fever is an expression of inner rage.

Having a voice unlike another means you've "found yourself" as a writer.

In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation.

See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try.