If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

notwithstanding how good a seed my be, it's proper germination, growth and fruit bearing may be mutilated if not planted in a good soil

Yeah, I am crazy. Ok. May be I am. But I prefer to be crazy than being a dummy.

At the moment of vision, the eyes see nothing.

We all think people deserve second chances. None of us are perfect.

When they have a choice, people will always gravitate to those rooms which have light on two sides, and leave the rooms which are lit only from one side unused and empty.

Bankrupt of life, yet prodigal of ease.

It is necessary to make virtue fashionable.

I am at the Olympics, I forgot to tie my suit, how is this gonna happen?

When the mind is clear, behavior is always impeccable.

To be depressed or neurotic is passive. It happened to us; we are its victim, and we have no control over it.