If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

Was it worth it? My death, I mean. Did I die for something worthwhile?

Every sacred existence is history of time.

My whole life has been one big improvisation.

All she's caught is fleas! She's a medicine cat, not a warrior. She should be helping me, not trying to pretend that her entire history vanished on the day the truth came out.

In Ethiopia, the problem is that you don't know who's who. You don't know who to trust. You don't have any freedom.

When you can’t change the direction of the wind — adjust your sails

When we let go of our battles and open our hearts to things as they are, then we come to rest in the present moment. This is the beginning and the end of spiritual practice.

I believe in discovering the love that exists and then trying to understand it. Not to invent a love and try to make it exist, but to find what does exist, and then to see what it is.

It's like that scene from The Player when they talk about merging Star Wars and Kramer vs. Kramer, or whatever. You could do that with music and it would just be awful.