If you worry about what everyone is trying to do, you become a spectator and not a player.

Do you know what punishments I've endured for my crimes, my sins? None. I am proof of the absurdity of men's most treasured abstractions. A just universe wouldn't tolerate my existence.

..because the only kind of love I have to offer is stupid and blind and so deep and powerful that I feel like I'm cracking just to hold it in.

Moments of beauty sustain us through hours of ugliness.

Put on some armor. Just remember what's armor and what's you, so when it's time to take it off, you can.

If you looked busy, you could get away with almost anything.

What people value in their books—and thus what they count as literature—really tells you more about them than it does about the book.

You don't need to like reality, only be strong enough to face it

Delusional people tend to believe in what they're doing.

Life is empty. Life is worthless. When we take a life, we aren't taking anything of value.- Durzo Blint

If I tell you a secret can you keep it quiet? “Well, I can. I’m not so sure about Doll Girl.

I didn't know what to expect, having not been an artist before. From the outside, you only see romantic snapshots of what seems like a great lifestyle, and it is, but it's also grueling.

When a man is no longer anxious to do better than well, he is done for.

We have ourselves to save.

Dave thought he was bigger than Van Halen the band. So there was this catfight going on for 10 years.

I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

Just love what you are doing, and try to play more.

People should just be aware of how they are eating... yesterday I had a McDonald's breakfast and pizza too - but that's bad.

Gratitude is a duty none can be excused from, because it is always at our own disposal.

I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived.

I don't do well with snakes and I can't dance.