If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

Just think of all the billions of coincidences that don't happen.

If your wife puts on ten pounds, love her ten times more.If she puts on a hundred pounds, love her a hundred times more.If she puts on a thousand pounds, love her a thousand times more.

Everything about her always seemed to dance. Her lips as she spoke, her eyes as she laughed, even her hands as she made the cup of coffee I just ordered.

The faking of feelings is a sin against the imagination.

All Americans suffer from anxiety; it's a national disease.

Can I ask you about Caroline Mathers?" "And you say there's no afterlife.

I wanted to do my artistic work, and in Iran you have censorship. It was difficult for me to do the work I wanted to do.

Hamburgers! The corner-stone of any nutritious breakfast.

I think I can wipe out diabetes.

Passion and desire bind your Heart. Remove the locks. Become a key, become a key . . .

My wife and I look for ways to always support the troops, including sending care packages regularly to them.